Dearest mamas,

As the leaves change and the air fills with the scents of pine and cedar, we welcome the holiday season—a time of Thanksgiving gatherings and warm apple cider. While many cherish fond memories of holidays past, for others, including myself and many mothers I work with, this season can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, from sadness and regret to hope and renewal.

Facing the Season with a New Perspective

This year, I invite you to approach the holiday season with a mindset of self-care and reflection. Let’s consider the emotion of sadness—it’s natural to feel a pang of sorrow when we picture the perfect holiday scene that might not align with our current reality. I know the feeling all too well. Despite my understanding of my child’s substance use disorder (SUD), the festive emptiness can sometimes be overwhelming.

Here’s How I Cope

I allow myself time to truly experience these feelings—maybe over a cup of coffee rather than cider this year. I journal my thoughts, maybe penning a letter to my son, daughter, my ex, or even to myself, reflecting on the year’s challenges and blessings.

Afterward, I slip into a soothing meditation (check out one of my guided sessions here) to center myself, followed by some light stretching or a brisk walk. I’ll add new affirmations to my bathroom mirror. Being “in joy” for however long it lasts is my holiday gift to myself (which extends throughout the year)!

To cap it off, nothing brings me more joy than whipping up a treat in the kitchen while my favorite music plays in the background. This ritual, my gift to myself, sustains me through the season and beyond.

Lastly, the launch of my new self-serve program for struggling mothers of children with addiction brings me immense joy. I have so much to give, and being able to help even one Mama means the world to me.

What about you? What brings you joy? Have you pinpointed the activities that uplift you, or are you still in search of that joyous spark? Remember, you deserve joy unequivocally and unconditionally.

Looking Ahead: Get Your Joy On

If you’re curious about rediscovering or cultivating your joy, keep an eye out for the launch of our new program, MamasGotGrit – Get Your Joy On, coming next year. You can sign up for our newsletter to catch early updates and special previews here.

Practical Tips for Getting Through the Holidays

Every family dynamic is different, but these simple tips should help you get through the holiday season.

Gift Giving Simplified: Remember, it’s the thought that counts. Embrace heartfelt, simple gifts like homemade cookies or a handcrafted photo frame. Sometimes, just showing up with a warm embrace is the most cherished gift of all. There are many times the gift I gave my son was simply showing up to give him a hug, and believe me, he was thrilled. 

Handling Family Dynamics: Holidays can bring up uncomfortable conversations. So, keep a few conversation changers handy. Whether it is religious or political or “when are you going to…,” try one of the following to change the narrative:

• “Have you seen xxx?” (Your latest binge on Netflix, funny movie, etc.) If they haven’t, tell them why they should!
• “Wow, what a beautiful brooch/sweater/necklace/tattoo you have. What’s the story behind it?”
• “What are you doing the rest of the weekend?” Ask them to elaborate on an experience they will be having, a trip they are taking, etc.
• Have snacks in hand and comment on them. “These nuts are delicious. What is your favorite type of nut?”

If the situation becomes too intense, it’s okay to say you’re just stepping outside for a breath of fresh air.

When Things Don’t Go as Planned

Give yourself grace. Unless you’re Ina Garten or Martha Stewart, nothing needs to be perfect, and you’re not responsible for everyone’s happiness. Set personal goals like enjoying a chat with a beloved relative or indulging in your favorite holiday treat.

I always like to have something in my back pocket as a diversion. 

One year, I asked everyone at the Thanksgiving table to say one thing they are thankful for. Perhaps it was something like “being here today” or “being healthy today.” Then, we would all acknowledge that person’s gratitude. It was a positive kick-off to the event.

Ask everyone to bring a small picture of themselves as a baby. Turn them upside down, mush them up, and see who can guess who’s who.

I met my son in a park when he was homeless. I kept my mind open. It could have been a no-show, a 15-minute meet, a meal. It has been all of the above, and one year, we went and saw (for the umpteenth time) Elf. I am thankful for all of them.

It All Feels Like Too Much

This is the time to pull out those boundary-setting skills we talked about in my program Get Your Grit.

Prioritize Mama’s health and sanity above all. Sometimes, especially if boundary setting is new for you, it can make your friend or family member feel rejected. 

Tell that person how much you care about them and you need more boundaries for yourself at this time. If you aren’t ready to say no, try saying, “not now.” 

Boundary setting is a normal part of any relationship and a critical part of self-care.   Personally, I grew up with no boundaries and learned how to set them later in life so they are even more important for me to respect. 

It’s Your First (or second) Holiday Since Losing a Loved One: Lean on your support system. If you need more, please join my community of fellow mamas in our private Facebook group here.

Talk with your friends and family about how to make the day more manageable. Hand out tasks. Let others cook, clean, and coordinate. Most people really do want to help, but sometimes they don’t know how to ask. Tell them. 

If children are involved, include them in the conversations so their thoughts and feelings are validated. Take advantage of free community activities for families and children. Open your door to carolers if you are fortunate enough to get them. One of the joys of children is how easily they can be entertained. Just put on some music and dance, both of which always take people to another place.

Embrace Sobriety in Celebrations: If sobriety is part of your family’s journey, plan ahead to avoid triggers. It’s okay to decline certain invitations to keep your peace of mind. Ensure there are non-alcoholic beverages and activities that everyone can enjoy.

But perhaps this isn’t the year to attend holiday parties, and you can simply decline, stay home in your jammies, play games on your phone, or watch a movie. Have a plan in place in case your child shows up or becomes intoxicated. If you need some tips on creating this plan, take a look at these tips for dealing with family during the holidays.

Seasonal Affective Disorder Strategies: More and more people, including mamas, deal with SAD these days. Myself included. Open those blinds, let the light in, and engage in activities that brighten your mood. Consider starting a new hobby or revisiting an old one to keep your spirits high.

Consider starting a new hobby or revisiting an old one to keep your spirits high. Watch a rom-com or read a compelling book and get away from that noisy roommate in your head.

I find it helpful to engage in activities especially this time of year.  Some can be done alone – reading, crafting, baking, organizing. Others can join in with puzzles, board games, nature walks… Have you seen the new adult Legos lately? Wowzah!

You can find tons of projects simply by looking at your neighborhood library, Pinterest, or our good friend, Google. Keeping up with hobbies or starting new ones (book club, anyone?) fills social, intellectual, and creative human needs. 

Completing small tasks bolsters our self-esteem and lowers the intensity of depressive feelings. Really, when was the last time you wore all of those socks in your bottom drawer? How about that old trinket jewelry you HAD TO HAVE but never used? Completing small tasks bolsters our self-esteem and lowers the intensity of depressive feelings.

Stay Informed, Stay Inspired

Last but certainly not least, regardless of our beliefs or views, stay away from the bad news. The internet and social media make this challenging but not impossible. We all doomscroll from time to time or get pulled into reading from one link to another, but please be mindful of how you use your phone. 

Remember your boundary-setting skills? Set some for yourself here. I allow myself online news from 7-8 am and NEVER EVER before bed. If you’re finding yourself challenged by pushing aside negative images or thoughts as we move into the holiday season, it might be time to take an internet break. What do you think will happen? Will you have bad news FOMO? Doubtful. Studies have shown that ongoing exposure to stressful content can have a negative impact on our emotional and physical health.

Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy D, an NYC-based neuropsychologist, says, “Watching disturbing news can trigger the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, by activating your fight-or-flight response. The constant flow of bad news can instill a sense of urgency or even dread, making it harder to feel safe or even relaxed. It can also bring about catastrophizing and distress, which can have long-term consequences.” Read more about this here.

My Holiday Wishes

My wish for you this holiday season is joy, peace, and strength. Thank you for being part of our community, Mama! Here’s to a season filled with moments of love and rejuvenation!

Warm regards,

Natalie Anderson
Founding Mama, Mama’s Got Grit
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